Intimate relationships are sacred. As adults, it is the relationship in which we have the highest potential for growth, living in to our true self. It is a privilege to be able to facilitate two people coming together and being more secure in their relationship with each other.
I work with partners face to face. Unlike many counselors, in my practice partners sit in chairs facing each other, making eye contact and speaking to each other, not to me. I pay close attention to both verbal and non-verbal cues. This give me insights into the mostly automatic ways that partners respond to each other. I help partners learn to really see each other, and to understand that most of the time a defensive, angry or withdrawn response has less to do with the partner initiating the interaction and is more driven by experiences the responding partner had growing up in their family of origin.
In my practice partners are responsible for each other. I help them understand that they are in each other’s care, and they need to learn how to care for their partner, even when they are frightened, sad or angry; and even when their partner is frightened, sad or angry at them. When partners hold each other with kindness and compassion, all manner of stress and annoyance that appears in the relationship can be managed in a way that brings the partners closer together instead of driving them farther apart.
PACT Therapy
As a relationship counselor, I am inspired by and deeply indebted to the PACT model developed by Stan Tatkin. PACT (which stands for a Psycho-biological Approach to Couples Therapy) takes advantage of cutting edge brain science to help couples rapidly get to the heart of the disconnection that divides them. I am committed to this way of practicing and am a trained personally by Stan to the highest level available (level 3). I am also currently the only therapist in WA state to be certified by Stan in the PACT method. I engage in ongoing training to develop and deepen my skills. You can learn more about PACT at the Pact Institute Website. Additionally, I highly recommend that couples read Stan’s book Wired for Love or listen to his audio program Your Brain on Love. Both are written in a style easily accessible to everyone and are chock full of helpful information. They also contain exercises you can use to learn more about you and your partner in the context of the relationship you share.
A note about longer sessions
Unlike some counselors, I do not generally work with partners in 1 hour sessions. I have come to believe that the depth and emotional intensity of couple work requires extra time and that single hour sessions ultimately cost the partners more time and money in the long run. If cost is a concern then I find it works best to see a couple every other week for 2 hours. Some partners have chosen to work longer with less frequency (5 or 6 hours once a month). You set the pace as long as we stick to about a 2 hour minimum. During the initial session, we go over the intake forms as well as the concerns each partner is looking to address through counseling and then dive right into an attachment interview that sets the stage for further work. For this reason, the initial session generally takes about 3 hours.
Individual Clients
As the entire focus of my practice is to support romantic relationships, I do not work with individual clients. If you are looking for individual support, I can highly recommend the practice of my wife Eleanor Bell. Eleanor works with individuals and couples using Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Hakomi (somatic therapy).
